


Steve's Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini (That he wore for the first time EVER)

by Chibidemon15



Series: Why the Avengers Should Never Get Drunk! [2]
Category: Deadpool (Comics), The Amazing Spider-Man (2012), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: .....yeah., And old ladies are abusive, BTW, Captain America - Freeform, Don't judge us., I should really stop tagging now....., In a Bikini, JUST, Just one more tag, Katherine is a creepy fuck, Loki is still traumatized., Multi, Thor should never do paperwork, also, and ZOMBIES!, oh!, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 09:44:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/977303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibidemon15/pseuds/Chibidemon15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title says it all.</p><p>Oh, and Steve gets beaten with purses wielded by middle aged women.</p><p>So, yeah. A normal day in the life of Captain America.</p><p>Also, Steve looks like a whore. For obvious reasons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steve's Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini (That he wore for the first time EVER)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so here is part two of our little adventure.
> 
> We know we said we'd update every Saturday, but one of us though today was Saturday and so here you are.
> 
> Told from the point of view of Captain America.
> 
> Forgive us for any mistakes cuz we are still coasting on a fake high from our fake drugs.
> 
> Also, thanks for the kudos! It made us soooo happy that we couldn't stop jumping up and down for a solid five minutes.
> 
> Our mothers no longer speak to us because of it.
> 
> And with that, on to the story.
> 
> P.S. There were formatting problems and we are very sorry. But still, enjoy.

     Steve can count on one hand the amount of times he’s woken up in a women’s clothing shop. Which probably should not happen to any male. However, it has happened to Steve.

     The first time he had been young and feeling sick. His mom had taken him shopping with her and he had fainted. Right there in the undergarments section. He had been roused by the tittering of scandalized women, and that was too much for his young mind. After that, he had gotten sicker and was soon put on bedrest.

     It only happened one more time after that when he was being chased by a group of oversized jerks. He had hidden under a rack of long, colorful skirts, his small, frail body able to do so. He was under there for so long that he nodded off. He had woken up quite confused, but was able to remember where he was and made up a cover story that somehow explained why he smelled of women’s perfume for when he got home to his worried mother. This had been when he was 15 and his mother was still alive.

     But this time, it was completely different. One does not simply wake up in a women’s clothing store in a hangover and not get into serious trouble by the women there. Especially when they were just opening for the day. And they had heavy purses filled with perfect beating supplies.

     Steve ran out of the store in his yellow polka dotted bikini, which was odd because he was not aware of the fact that he owned a bikini and he did not remember changing into it. Actually, he couldn’t remember much of last night, now that he thought about it. The bruises from the purses added to the soreness he felt. At least he was able to become more alert from all the barefoot running he had to do. Every beating from a purse felt as though Thor’s hammer had been dropped on him, which it had been. Repeatedly. Thor liked to drop his hammer roughly, especially onto Steve. Some sort of power play, Steve guessed. Or the Asgardian equivalent.

     Steve felt icy and raw from the numbing breeze that he would not have minded if he was wearing actual clothes. The buzzing sound of people talking as he ran by was agonizing. Steve dashed down an alleyway, past an old hobo with horrid teeth who waved invitingly at a cardboard box, and down another street to finally lose the red faced, middle aged, angry women that had been chasing him. Now he found himself in a crowded street with people giving him odd and disgusted looks, some even trying to take pictures. Like that creepy hobo from the alleyway and his teachers from high school. Wait, was that a glob of skin that just fell off of one of them?! Science was getting a bit out of hand. Crazy scientists were in love with Steve, and always trying to find out more about him by bringing people he used to know back from the dead. It really was just like high school all over again. Hobos, zombies, and all. He sighed, and tried to remember how to get back to the Avenger’s Tower.

     Steve attempted to hail a cab, but he assumed the cab drivers would laugh at him and refuse to pick him up. Not that Steve blamed them. He would do the same if he was a bitter old cab driver, probably divorced, who did not want to stop for some hungover idiot in an oddly fitting bikini. Or maybe some of the cab drivers would charge a hungover idiot in a bikini more money for letting them take him for a ride (wink wink), and Steve would rather walk around looking like one of those strange, female stars than lose money that could potentially be used for multiple prostitutes at the same time (but don’t tell anyone, he wanted to keep it hush hush). Besides, he could possibly lose his temper and end up doing something he’ll regret. Like hurting the cabbie or destroying the cab itself, or ‘accidentally’ giving the driver wrong directions which would result in him driving off a cliff, killing both driver and the vehicle. He could survive the fall. Probably.

     Steve gave up on his pathetic attempt to hail down a cab when the third one only stopped to snap a pic before flipping him off and speeding down the street. Besides, the tower was only a few blocks away anyway. Steve did his best to go down rotten side streets, avoiding people with camera phones. And that strange hobo from the alleyway. And some of his old high school teachers. He was working on avoiding pretty much everyone, actually. But, strangely enough, he wasn’t the most oddly dressed person on the streets. A few teenagers were also dressed… exotically. One of them, he was almost sure it was a young man, was wearing a long wig, a short leather skirt and was shaking his hips from side to side. The hobo slinked closer to him while he was distracted by the boy. And tried to engage him in conversation and... other things. Again. Really, that hobo needs a life.

     Steve finally made it to the tall and freshly cleaned tower, despite the taunts and ridicule from random people that were judging him. Embarrassed, he ran straight into the flowery smelling elevator that would take him to the safety of the Avengers meeting room where Steve luckily kept a change of clothes. For no reason (it’s because Coulson keeps stealing his suits). A professional looking businessman in a crisp, new suit holding a black, leather suitcase was also on the elevator, wearing a horrified look beneath his wireframed glasses. Steve politely gave him a head nod, then tried to avoid eye contact with the poor man, who would probably have nightmares about Steve and his bikini. The two minute elevator ride was possibly the longest one hundred and twenty seconds of Steve’s life.

     The man sprinted out of the elevator at his floor, taking down six interns in his rush. He saw that one of them, Dana he thinks her nametag said, get up and flail angrily at the man before the elevator doors slid shut. Steve tried not to take offense, he really did. But Steve would probably see this man again, considering they worked in the same building, and he had made such an awful first impression. His mother would probably be disappointed in him.

     Steve reached the meeting room. ‘Thank god I can finally put last night and this morning behind me,’ Steve thought, relieved he was nearing the end of his troubles. He quickly found his clothes in his mahogany desk and put on the old, faded blue jeans and plain blue tshirt. His clothes were always a comfort because in the 70 years that he was in the ice, the fashion for men hadn’t changed much. He then went into the large meeting room with the oak table and swivel chairs. Everyone loved those swivel chairs. Steve always spun around in them every chance he got, but not today because he felt too ill. Steve saw Loki and Thor already sitting there, looking at official-like papers. Which was strange, because Loki never dealt with official papers. Ever. Neither did Thor, for that matter. Except once. Once and never again.

     “Hey guys, what’s up?” Steve choked out, red rising to his cheeks. He knew they probably hadn’t seen him in his bikini (since when was it his?) but he could not help being embarrassed. Loki and Thor slowly looked at each other, Loki hastily looking back down, a haunted look in his eyes. He fidgeted so it would appear as though he was doing productive work instead of ignoring Steve like he was, in fact, doing.

     “Guys, what’s wrong?” Steve questioned, a bit worried. Loki would not make eye contact with Steve, but Thor quickly glanced up and gave a large grin before looking back at the papers on the desk. Steve swore he heard Thor chuckle and mutterabout weaklings but dismissed it as paranoia. Thor was always chuckling to himself anyway. Seriously. Thor was probably crazy.

      He gave up attempting conversation and sat down in his beloved swivel chair. He laid his head upon the cool table which helped lessen the throbbing pain behind his eyes. He tried to remember one more time but it was completely blank. He did remember one thing, though. This  
was all Tony Fucking Stark’s fault.

**Author's Note:**

> We hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> It took us a while, mostly cuz we got distracted, a lot. 
> 
> Pretty please leave us a comment, it fills the void that would be our heart.
> 
> Also, it's a great replacement for our fake drugs.
> 
> Ta for now!
> 
> -Chibidemon15


End file.
